Always and Everywhere, Politics Suck – Part 2

More of The Hippest Things Anybody Ever Said About Politics

The people in Berkeley and in New York don’t need my pictures. That’s not where the battle’s going to be won. Tom Laughlin (of the Billy Jack movies)

The U.S. is putting together a constitution for Iraq. Why don’t we just give them ours? Think about it – it was written by very smart people, it’s served us well for over two hundred years, and besides, we’re not using it anymore. Jay Leno

Just because something works doesn’t mean it is desirable. Sy Leon

A piece of blank paper is the only thing in the world I have a serious ambition to control. Peter Levi

When Dick Nixon was going like this and smiling, what do you think he was telling you? ‘Fuck you four times.’ Swami X

Isn’t it absolutely essential to keep a fierce Left and a fierce Right, both on their toes and each terrified of the other? That’s how we get things done. Any opposition … is represented as a Left racket in the Right papers and a Right racket in the Left papers. … Of course we’re nonpolitical. The real power always is. C.S. Lewis in That Hideous Strength, 1945

The government can’t give out more than it takes in, and since the process of taking and redistributing costs something, the government actually gives out less than it takes in. This is why all “share the wealth” programs are actually “share the poverty” scams. Jim Lewis

Your enemy is never a villain in his own eyes. Keep this in mind, it may offer a way to make him your friend. If not, you can kill him without hate – and quickly. Lazarus Long

In my grandparents’ generation, they felt enlightened to know multiple languages and have lived in several lands. Now today, there are dummies who can’t even spell or speak in English properly but they feel threatened by Spanish or Korean. Everything is a threat to some people. Marc Madow

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies. Groucho Marx

From time to time, writers have engaged in politics. Its effect on them as writers has been injurious. W. Somerset Maugham

Being in politics is like being a football coach; you have to be smart enough to understand the game, and dumb enough to think it’s important. Eugene McCarthy

Autonomy and cooperation make government irrelevant. Luke McGuff

Think like a free man and you will not be a slave. Menander

Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin slitting throats. H.L. Mencken

I’d be perfectly fine with all the rules and red tape if we didn’t have to wait in line for so long that the people in the line eventually develop their own regional dialect. Dennis Miller

I regard politics as a thoroughly foul, rotten world. We get nowhere through politics. It debases everything. Henry Miller

Government is the only agency that can take a useful commodity like paper, slap some ink on it, and make it totally worthless. Ludwig von Mises

Revolutionaries’ love is not something isolated from their activities, but rather is related to their political ideals. Tina Modotti

The one must be sacrificed for the good of the many, until the many are all sacrificed, one by one. Ward Moore and Avram Davidson

Conservativism used to be defined by a fear, if not a loathing, of government. Now conservatives pay deference to the state. Bill Moyers

The enemy is not conservatism. The enemy is not liberalism. The enemy is bullshit. Lars Erik Nelson

I don’t believe democracy should have a totally professional military force. I believe the military should be in large number made up of people who don’t want to be there and will help make the generals honest. Willie Nelson

I would be willing to get along with less information about this or that officeholder’s tax return or bedroom activities if I could get him or her to speak more clearly about maters of public policy. Edwin H. Newman

To have a career you need a society to have it in. You go off and you make works of art and you present them here. You’re glad to be making a contribution. America doesn’t provide that society any more. Phil Ochs

We conservatives don’t have gulags because they aren’t tax deductible. You can’t leverage gulag assets, and gulag merchandising rights are worth zilch. P.J. O’Rourke

People took politics seriously in those days. They used to start storing up rotten eggs weeks before an election. George Orwell

History is a bloody testament that sincerity can achieve atrocities which cynicism could never conceive. Jack Parsons

With my own weapons, design and color, I have wanted to conquer the conscience of mankind, so that this knowledge can lead us each day a step ahead on the road of liberty. Pablo Picasso

I’m more comfortable allowing individuals to be stupid, than requiring they not be. Brick Pillow

Prisons and schools are baby-sitting institutions so that we don’t glut the labor market. Baba Ram Dass

It is not self-sacrifice to die protecting that which you value: If the value is great enough, you do not care to exist without it. This applies to any alleged sacrifice for those one loves. Ayn Rand

(re: NATO, IMF, World Bank, GATT, WTO)
One of the oddities of the political situation in the United States since [WWII] has been the persistent belief on some sections of the right that the creation of these and similar international institutions are threats to America; when it is these institutions – backed up by force, over and covert, which have enabled the United States to consume substantially more than its share of the world’s energy and minerals. Robin Ramsey

I don’t wave a flag for anything. I’m a musician. Keith Richards

Of course, like the cliché’ moth courting the trite candle, the lit-up libertarian runs a constant risk. Is it not finer, however, to sizzle whole in the flame of freedom than to slowly stew to pieces in one’s own diminishing juices? Tom Robbins

I don’t make jokes, I just watch the government and report the facts. Will Rogers

Liberal – one whose heart is in the right place, but whose head is not. L.A. Rollins

Events are only real in the present tense – before they happen they’re hype, and after they happen they’re spin. Douglas Rushkoff

The criminal law can be used to prevent anti-social action on the part of those who do not belong to the government. Bertrand Russell

Much of the difficulty in attempting to restructure American and other societies arises from this resistance by groups with vested interests in the status quo. Significant change might require those who are now high in the hierarchy to move downward many steps. This seems to them undesirable and is resisted. Carl Sagan

Politicians fuck with people. That’s what they do. That’s their job. Every day they get up and wonder who they’re gonna fuck with that day. They they go and do it. John Sandford

I have a friend who’s collecting unemployment insurance. This guy has never worked so hard in his life as he has to to keep this thing going. He’s down there every week, waiting in the line and getting interviews and making up all these lies about looking for jobs. If they had any idea of the effort and energy that he is expending to avoid work, I’m sure they’d give him a raise. Jerry Seinfeld

I have no country – and the more I see of countries the better I like the idea. line from film The Shanghai Gesture

From Nixon on, every paranoid suspicion about the dirty tricks of government had proved an underestimate. Samuel Shem

I suggest that we resist apparent solutions that require victims to surrender their freedom, and freedom of expression, as a means of survival. Mary Simmerling

Many hackers tend to be reflexive liars….at least the ones found in newspaper and TV news stories – [they] can be counted on to perform for the listener, telling the gullible just about anything he or she wishes to hear. The result has been that almost any claim, no matter how nonsensical, has been published. George Smith

It is part of the sordid reality of our times that Hollywood is about the only institution left in our country big and powerful enough to challenge the influence of state propaganda that controls our lives with hardly a murmur from the same journalists so incensed by Stone. (re the JFK film) Sam Smith

When you think of the long and gloomy history of man, you will find more hideous crimes have been committed in the name of obedience than have ever been committed in the name of rebellion. C. P. Snow

The simple truth of a courageous individual is not to take part in the lie. One word of truth outweighs the world. Alexander Solzhenitsyn

It’s amazing how much panic one honest man can spread among a multitude of hypocrites. Thomas Sowell

As estimated by the Bureau of National Affairs, the dollar cost of corporate crime in America is over ten times greater than the combined larcenies, thefts, robberies and burglaries committed by individuals. Gerry Spence

I used to believe that a real unitary world government would be a good idea but I changed my mind because of something Lenny Bruce said about the Soviet Union- if you want to imagine what it’s like in the Soviet Union, imagine an entire country run by the phone company. Norman Spinrad

A man is none the less a slave because he is allowed to choose a new master once in a term of years. Lysander Spooner

The average fifth-grader these days doesn’t know whether Japan is a state or a city; wonders what happens when you get to the “edge” of the United states on a map; doesn’t know, and can’t understand what a glacier is, and even believes that the government is there to protect him! Rev. Ivan Stang (The Church of the Subgenius)

Let my own life go on undisturbed, and my private affairs prosper – and I don’t give a continental whether the government is being run by a Communist, or a Seventh-Day Adventist, or a Hottentot. Gertrude Stein

A pedestal is as much a prison as any small space. Gloria Steinem

That’s how the government is. It was invented to do stuff that private enterprise doesn’t bother with, which means that there is probably no reason for it. Neal Stephenson

Good health turns out to be a positive by-product of the pursuit of other things. Edward Tenner

Any country which displays more than one statue of a living politician is a country which is headed for trouble. Paul Theroux

What is called politics is comparatively something so superficial and inhuman that practically I have never fairly recognized that it concerns me at all. Henry David Thoreau

Anyone who puts his own conscience above the state is an anarchist. Allen Thornton

Ninety-eight percent of the adults in this country are decent, hard-working, honest Americans. It’s the other lousy two percent that get all the publicity. But then–we elected them. Lily Tomlin

Washington is like Calcutta, full of beggars, only they wear $1500 suits and don’t say please or thank you. Traffic

Liberalism, free-thinking and open inquiry will never object to appear in company with their opposites, because they have the conceit to think that they can quell those opposites; but the opposites will not appear in conjunction with liberalism, free-thinking and open inquiry. Anthony Trollope

You may be willing to give up your rights, but I won’t let you give up MY rights. Hal Turner

The government of my country snubs honest simplicity but fondles artistic villainy. Mark Twain

Q. What’s the difference between God and the Government?
A. The lord giveth and the lord taketh away; the government taketh and giveth away. Unknown

A policeman’s job is easy only in a police state. Unknown

It’s dangerous to be right when the government is wrong. Unknown

No bird flies too high when he flies with his own wings. Unknown

You can always find free cheese in a mousetrap. Unknown

Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side. Unknown

When the government tells me not to do something I feel that it’s my patriotic duty to immediately go out and do it. Rico Vaselino

The American Revolution was over in 1781; Washington wasn’t elected our first president until 1789, and he was not elected by the people in a free election but by the select, male-only Federal Constitutional Convention. Michael Ventura

There is only one party, which is People with Money. Kurt Vonnegut Jr.

Third World rebels are great at exposing and overthrowing corrupt hypocritical regimes, but they seem noticeably less great at the mundane, non-negative task of then establishing a superior governing alternative. Victorious rebels, in fact, seem best at using their tough, cynical rebel-skills to avoid being rebelled against themselves – in other words, they just become better tyrants. David Foster Wallace

I am so weary about having been consistently right in all my political predictions for ten years. It is so boring seeing it all happen for the second time after one has gone through it in imagination. For you and Duff and Randolph life must be all one lovely surprise after another. Evelyn Waugh

Mom and Dad are biology, but you’re most like sick
if you get your kicks from politics.
Wean yourself now. Clean your own diapers.
Watch out for shoe tiers and nose wipers.
William Wharton in Scumbler

Fraudulence has become a national virtue and is well thought of in many circles. E. B. White

Since this is my first official government rapport I have chosen to write it by hand, because my favorite government documents are handwritten and they seem to work okay. Mason Williams

The Academy…Nobody seriously thought they’d rally behind the Branch Davidians and give the documentary Oscar to Waco: Rules of Engagement, perhaps the most chilling, revealing documentary about our present police-state mentality….Why recognize a new, present villain like the ATF….when you can trot those photogenic Nazis out, year after year?…You’d think impending murders would have some clout over ones committed fifty years ago, but nooooooooooo, not to the guys who cut the checks in Emerald City. Cintra Wilson

All governments are evil in one way or another. Leonard Woolf

In my Utopia, people would more or less give up on politics. Steve Wozniak

A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well. Stephen Wright

When you’ve seen one stifling transnational media conglomerate, you’re seen them all. Jamie Zawinski

I wouldn’t call it fascism exactly, but a political system nominally controlled by an irresponsible, dumbed down electorate who are manipulated by dishonest, cynical, controlled mass media that dispense the propaganda of a corrupt political establishment can hardly be described as democracy either. Edward Zehr

Always and Everywhere, Politics Suck

The Hippest Things Anybody Ever Said About Politics

Big Brother is like the Uncertainty Principle. You can’t tell where he is and how fast he’s moving at the same moment. Dr. Agon

Apathy, lack of caring, isn’t the problem. The problem is caring too much about the wrong things. Anne Alexander

We weren’t put on this earth to be politicians. Jeff Ament

Once people have learned how to disengage their souls when being abused by the powers that be, the powers that be lose traction rapidly. Kirsten Anderberg

Don’t make the mistake of equating anarchy with liberty. Anarchy is liberty only for the strongest and cruelest. Real liberty is when people respect each other’s liberty, and are willing to voluntarily restrain themselves from doing things that impinge on the liberty of others. Carl Aron

So far, I’ve concluded that politics is all bullshit, but I haven’t worked up any political ideology much more sophisticated than that. Ace Backwords

This is a country with 250 million people who don’t want any news from Washington and, even if they did, wouldn’t expect any news from Washington because they don’t think Washington could pour stale beer out of a boot if the instructions were printed on the heel.

Governments exist to limit freedom. That’s their job. And to the extent that utterly unbridled liberty seems to favor the reptile in us, a little government is not such a bad thing. But it never knows when to quit. John Perry Barlow

For them, the question is always, “What kind of government intervention should we impose on the world?” They never think that maybe we shouldn’t. Dave Barry

To remain distinct within the mass we must be branded with a series of numbers and must recite them to be known and served and allowed to pursue our lives. Jacques Barzun

A reminder from history: the American Revolution was not financed with matching grants from the Crown.
David Bayles and Ted Orland

Every anarchist is in part a hedonist and wants to enjoy his freedom. Fighting is too likely to interfere with that enjoyment. Ned Beaumont

Because I don’t have a job, because I don’t have children, I can get up and say something at a public hearing other blacks can’t say. I can’t be threatened about my job or my children. MaVynee Betsch

Today, problems aren’t solved, they’re attacked. Like the War on Poverty. Remember that? I’m happy to report that it’s finally over. The poor people have all surrendered. Swami Beyondananda

Conspiracy Theory, Unofficial Definition: Anything which, were it true, we couldn’t handle. Steve Bhaerman

We can probably do more for peace and freedom in the world right here, on our own turf, than by exporting ideology to the rest of the world which has perhaps had its fill of our imperial outreach offerings. Bob Black

Experience teaches us to be most on our guard to protect liberty when the government’s purpose is beneficent. Men born to freedom are naturally alert to repel invasion of their liberty by evil-minded rulers. The greatest dangers to liberty lurk in insidious encroachment by men of zeal, well-meaning but without understanding. Supreme Court Justice Brandeis

Capitalism with its appeal to greed was not on the face of it an attractive system, but it provided a counterweight to the power of the state, besides quickening the life of society by providing competition. Socialism, or rule by bureaucracy, meant, I thought, the dead hand on everything, the life-destroying tyranny of the anonymous. Gerald Brenan

Give government the weapons to fight your enemy and it will use them against you. Harry Browne

One’s got to be against the government, any government, because the people in it are bad people or else they wouldn’t have got in. Anthony Burgess

Public work should be avoided by men who care for their own peace of mind. Daniel Hudson Burnham

Drug control is a thin pretext, and getting thinner, to increase police powers and to brand dissent as criminal…. I now suggest to all competent young people that they emigrate to Canada, before they get busted. If you have a record, it is much more difficult. William S. Burroughs

Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we. George W. Bush

Christianity may be a powerful tonic, but Hislam remains the one true faith of the Republican party. John Calderazzo

Nothing could be more inaccurate than the lazy assumption of the policy elites that groups such as the Freemen and the various militia movements represent anarchistic ‘anti-government’ tendencies. If anything, the so-called anti-government forces of the radical right are among the most fanatical devotees of legal authority among us. Paul F. Campos

Politics is so corrupt even the dishonest people get fucked. George Carlin

It seems what is most feared by a lot of people is somebody else’s ability to act in an organized manner. Casale

Foreign aid might be defined as a transfer from poor people in rich countries to rich people in poor countries. Douglas Casey

Some people are cursed with personalities that disqualify them for anything except strident movements and, when one comes along, they tune up and howl. Dick Cavett

The way to move society on its axis is not to play politics. It is to persuade teachable people to think as you do. And the best way to do this is to be a good personal living example of the philosophy you hope to spread. John Chamberlain

The privileged people who actually run the country, they don’t want the state to have power to go after people like them. So they’ll actually protect the civil rights of people they hate if they come from the right class. Noam Chomsky

We seem to think having everyone vote works when it comes to running a country that can start wars, appropriate property, and execute malefactors, yet we assume it’s a bad way to run a business. The Cluetrain Manifesto (four authors)

A mixed herd of both sexes and all ages is the easiest kind to manage. Cowboy saying

Politics means nothing more than the ability to make the inevitable appear to be a matter of wise human choice. Quentin Crisp

As soon as you talk about social or political responsibility, you’ve amputated the best limbs you’ve got as an artist. You are plugging into a very restrictive system that is going to push and pull and mold you and is going to make your art totally useless and ineffective. David Cronenberg

The only way the Bill of Rights will protect you from much of anything nowadays is if you hold it over your head when it rains. Samantha Crouse

Legislative interference with the habits of the people produces the sneak, the spy, the fanatic, and the artful dodger. Aleister Crowley

Boredom and stupidity and patriotism, especially when combined, are three of the greatest evils of the world we live in. Robertson Davies

The sad truth is that individuals will always be under-equipped. We’re always going to have smaller engines. The CIA or whoever is always going to have the bigger infrastructure. Mark Dippe’

Dissent is seen as a form of betrayal. Free speech is seen as being most appropriately exercised when it is not exercised at all. Democracy is maintained by not thinking democratically. E. L. Doctorow

Neither charm nor patience nor endurance has ever wrested power from those who hold it. Frederick Douglass

Politics is an indigenous art form cultivated primarily by lawyers. Politics is about the only way for lawyers to get a little excitement. Peter Drucker

If one were to bring together all customs considered sacred by some group, and were then to take away all customs considered immoral by some group, nothing would remain. Will Durant

The significant problems we face can not be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them. Albert Einstein

I didn’t even know those people out there had gotten shoes yet, much less learned to read! I mean, if they could read, then they must have seen there were other names on the ballot than Reagan or Nixon. Harlan Ellison

It isn’t just propaganda any more, it’s ‘prop-agenda’. It’s not so much the control of what we think, but the control of what we think about. Brian Eno

By the time anybody gets around to saying “leadership”, it’s all over. Werner Erhard

The Bill of Rights and the First Amendment in particular are monuments to the right to doubt, and to the right of one person to doubt the rightness of 200 million. Steve Erickson

(about Russia) There has been a dictatorship there for so long, with so little real resistance, you must ask yourself how much sympathy you can have. Orianna Fallaci

There are these 12 guys running the country, and they all went to the right schools and they’re all trained for their jobs and they all have drawers full of classified information and they all have direct lines to the White House. So they resent it terribly when outsiders, like the American people, try to butt into their foreign policy. Jules Feiffer

Free your ass and your mind will follow. Gerry Fialka

It is the most opulent, most gorgeous land on earth, a land whose wisest are but little wiser than its dullest, where the rulers have minds like little children and the lawgivers believe in Santa Claus. F. Scott Fitzgerald

(On Hitler, 1936) He has a fine library of six thousand volumes, yet he never reads; books would do him no good – his mind is made up. Janet Flanner

I think Nixon did this country a great favor when he reinstilled in the American people a mistrust of government. Carol Fondiller

I don’t say this is a bad country – I say countries are bad. FrancEye

Gentlemen, you see we have been living under anarchy, yet the business of living has gone on as usual. Be careful; if our debates go on too much longer, people may come to see that they can get along very well without us. Ben Franklin

The liberal views of Robert Montgomery, professor of economics at the University of Texas, made him unpopular with the Texas legislature. An investigation was set in motion. When he was asked if he favored private property, Montgomery replied “I do – so strongly that I want everyone in Texas to have some.” John Kenneth Galbraith

The truth, as always, will set you free, but first it will make you sound dangerous. Kaye Gibbons

How small of all that human hearts endure/ That part which laws or kings can cause or cure. Oliver Goldsmith

A government that is big enough to give you all you want is big enough to take it all away. Barry Goldwater

It is hard to give understanding to someone with no will, and more difficult to give will to someone with no understanding. Baltasar Gracian

It is true, of course, that war not only arouses suppressed forces slumbering in us, but also really does librate some people, be it from a hated environment, the slavery of daily work, or the burden of one’s own personality. That is one of the mysteries that will perpetuate wars forever. George Grosz

You are strangling freedom but the soul of the people knows no bondage. Graffiti in Moscow in the 70s

Coming back into this country is more horrifying than leaving. Graffiti

Politicians are like polkas – they have different names, but they all sound alike. Graffiti

Politicians are like diapers. They both should be changed often, and for the same reason. Graffiti

The word ‘politics’ is derived from the words ‘poly’ meaning many, and the word ‘tics’ meaning blood-sucking parasites. Larry Hardiman

The truth is that we are not fighting a “war on terror.” We are fighting a pestilential theology and a longing for paradise. Sam Harris

A lot of people who say they want a smaller government really do – it’s just that they want to be it. Dale Hartman

Freedom is doing what you want, when you please, and not being made to do anything. Freedom is not having to spend time with people in whose company you don’t want to spend time. Pat Hartman

What experience and history teach is this: that people and governments never have learned anything from history, or acted on principles deduced from it. George Hegel

Politicians are required to be full of shit because they have to thread their ways to the top through the hordes of amibitious, narcissistic, amoral, back-stabbing dickheads who run things in Washington. Cynthia Heimel

Mighty little force is needed to control a man whose mind has been hoodwinked; contrariwise, no amount of force can control a free man whose mind is free. No, not the rack, not fission bombs, not anything — you can’t conquer a free man, the most you can do is kill him. Robert Heinlein

The notion of making the government behave as if it were really around to help people is radical in itself, and will cause tremors in the community that you cannot tell where it will lead. Karl Hess

The nonconformist is a more stable type than the conforming individual. It is the average man of today who shows the most striking differences from people of other ages and other civilizations. The rebel of today is twin brother of rebels in all ages and climes. Eric Hoffer

Identity politics, based on racial and gender categories, and on nihilistic assumptions that power is all, culminate in a posture in which the rules of civility and democratic process, not to mention the principles of academic freedom, are dismissed as so much social mystification. David Horowitz

The laws of God, the laws of man,
He may keep that will and can;
Not I: let God and man decree
Laws for themselves and not for me;
And if my ways are not as theirs
Let them mind their own affairs.
Their deeds, I judge and much condemn,
Yet when did I make laws for them?
A.E. Housman

If you don’t have a flag sticking out of your ass, you must be a communist. Chrissie Hynde

Medical bureaucracy creates ill-health by increasing stress, by multiplying disabling dependence, by generating new painful needs, by lowering the levels of tolerance for discomfort or pain, by reducing the leeway that people are wont to concede to an individual when he suffers, and by abolishing even the right to self-care. Ivan Illich

Everyone who has ever lost someone he or she loved in a war has an obligation to talk back to these chest-thumping jackasses who are so anxious to get other people’s sons killed. Molly Ivins

People ought to be free and the way to keep people free is to keep people in charge of politicians rather than the other way around. Paul Jacob

Generosity is a virtue for individuals, not governments. When governments are generous it is with other people’s money, other people’s safety, other people’s future. P. D. James (character)

The idea of resistance to government is so valuable on certain occasions, that I wish it always to be kept alive. It will often be exercised when wrong, but better so than not to be exercised at all. Thomas Jefferson

It’s one thing to sacrifice truth for fairness. It’s another thing to sacrifice truth for success. You can only sacrifice an ethical principle for another ethical principle. Michael Josephson

To believe in conspiracies, one must assume that the government is organized. That is a leap of faith I am unwilling to make. PM Kellermann

I have discovered what previously I didn’t believe possible – that politicians behave in private life and say exactly the same things as they do in public. Their stupidity is inhuman. John Maynard Keynes

True compassion is more than flinging a coin to a beggar; it comes to see that an edifice which produces beggars needs restructuring. Martin Luther King

To vanish, to take a powder, to cut and run – from an army one can’t fight for, a community one can’t live with, or a directive one can’t obey – can be a legitimate political act, and sometimes the consummate political act. Walter Kirn

Ninety percent of the politicians give the other ten percent a bad reputation. Henry Kissinger

The War on Terror was never a war in the traditional sense. It is, instead, a kind of brand, an idea that can be easily franchised by any government in the market for an all-purpose opposition cleanser. Naomi Klein

The game that our politicians play with us is one of constraining political decisions to one of two equally worthless alternatives and portraying them as “the only game in town.” Thomas L. Knapp

Pseudo-patriots will employ their perverted nationalistic views of Americanism to work for their own freedom but to deprive others of theirs. Joe Knight

This is what we wanted, back in the Sixties. And now we have it. It used to be that only people with pigmented skin would get beat up by the cops. Now, anybody can get beat up be the cops. White grannies, Girl Scouts, nuns, anybody. Equality. Will Knott

Waco is a Four-Letter Word

(Originally published April 9, 2003)

Ten years ago this month more than 80 people were shot or incinerated at Mt. Carmel, Texas. The multi-racial community, led by David Koresh, was made up of Christians who played music, worked on their cars, conducted a legal arms business, and loved their children – or who were children. The body count for the kids under 16 was 21 corpses. The events of February through April 1993 – the first raid, the siege, and finally the orgy of brutal slaughter – became known to our collective consciousness as “Waco.”

Some years later, a renewal of public interest came about because of the persistent and obstinate questions asked by several determined investigators, chiefly Mike McNulty of Fort Collins. They have done brilliant work on all the details of the attack, FLIR technology, “overlooked” and mishandled evidence, missing pages, military secretiveness, delays in carrying out orders, lies about use of tear gas and snipers, a heinously altered crime scene, a power failure in a morgue that rendered the bodies useless for further study…..and on and on.

Waco: The Rules of Engagement drew nearly 800 people to screenings held in Fort Collins. Subsequently the film was nominated for an Academy Award, captured an Emmy in the investigative journalism category, and won a major international prize. A sequel garnered more attention, and the government finally had to hold hearings.

Amongst all the thousands of items of evidence and the fascinating mass of information uncovered and exposed, we might forget something important. The big picture is, no government agents should have ever interfered with those people in the first place, period.

The word “compound” has been extensively used for the Branch Davidians’ home and place of worship. Call a thing a compound, and there’s nothing else to do but attack it. This is spin doctoring at its finest – whereas ranch, settlement, community or other neutral term at least pays lip service to fairness. The destruction of this community, and the events leading up to it, are precisely the sort of activities the word “infamy” was coined for.

Remember what Martin Neimoller said about the Nazis? “They first came for the Communists and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Communist. Then they came for the Jews, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a Jew. Then they came for the trade unionists, and I didn’t speak up because I wasn’t a trade unionist. Then they came for the Catholics, and I didn’t speak up because I was Protestant. Then they came for me…. and by that time no one was left to speak up.”

“I could be next” is a selfish reason for caring, but a reason those of us who are not saints can relate to. “Waco” makes us ask who will be the next to fall. Hippie communes, Amish farms, artist colonies, ashrams, convents, summer camps, extended families – nobody is safe. When the Nazification quotient of a society reaches the level displayed at Waco, anybody could be next. It’s no longer a matter of whether they will come for you, only when.

Government Paperwork

The affidavit that started the whole thing was authored by a Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms agent. This document, on the strength of which warrants were obtained, was full of third-hand hearsay “evidence” of wrongdoing, plenty of irrelevant material for padding, and a number of flat out lies.

The most inflammatory statement attributed to Koresh in the affidavit was a conversation with a social worker in which he supposedly said his activities would make the riots in Los Angeles pale by comparison. The woman’s last visit to Mt. Carmel was three weeks before the L.A. riots, making either Koresh a true prophet, or the social worker a true bullshit artist.

There is also the matter of a legal detail called “timeliness.” In the affidavit, designed to establish probable cause to search for evidence of the illegal conversion of weapons to automatic, the freshest information was eight months old. Even Marc Breault, a former Davidian and an enemy of Koresh, a man who could be expected to blow the whistle on the most tenuous grounds, claimed no knowledge of illegal firepower at Mt. Carmel.

Don’t Know Much About a Science Book

What else was in the affidavit? Well, it seems that an informant had once seen a Davidian designing a weapon on a computer screen. There were copies of magazines like Shotgun News. And Koresh made his people watch shoot-em-ups like Platoon, Full Metal Jacket, and Hamburger Hill.

Koresh was said to have been asking around for where to get a copy of The Anarchist’s Cookbook. (This was pre-Amazon) Hell, even I knew three or four different sources for that book. If Koresh couldn’t figure out where to get it, he certainly was not the terrifying criminal mastermind the feds portray him as.

What About the Atrocities?

The most harmful allegations concerning the treatment of children at Mt. Carmel stemmed from a disgruntled parent involved in a custody case, and we all know how that goes. The worst evidence a visiting social worker could report was that one little boy said he wanted to grow up so he could have a “long gun.” Possibly, kids were disciplined by being sent to bed without supper.

The affidavit mentioned a child abuse investigation, but did not mention that the investigation was closed due to lack of evidence. Later, interviews with children who left during the 51-day siege failed to turn up any evidence of abuse.

Far from being a neglectful parent, Koresh, himself the son of a 15-year-old single mother, actually provided for the support of his progeny. He took care of not only his own children but everybody at the settlement. A Waco musician who knew some Mt. Carmel residents said, “It’s a free ride. Koresh feeds and clothes you. He was even paying off Thibodeau’s school loan. You’re free to play guitar 24 hours a day.”

What was the government supposed to do, just walk away?

That’s what some people ask. For many, the question answers itself. In the heat of debate over the later complications, we need to recall that there was no justification for the federal presence at the Branch Davidian community in the first place. And it didn’t start with the arrival of the BATF forces. Before the first paperwork had been drawn up, Special Response Teams from three cities were already at Fort Hood practicing for the raid on Mt. Carmel. Months before a single warrant was issued, the full-scale hostile invasion had been mapped out. But why?

When your only tool is a hammer, everything looks like a nail

This ancient wisdom was proved once again in Waco by the blundering and heavy-handed tactics of a law-enforcement agency armed with tons of expensive gear and a bad attitude. The BATF had blown a wad on fancy equipment whose purchase needed justification before the budget came up for review. The initial raid went down on February 28. Had it gone well, the glorious victory would have been quite fresh for the annual appropriations hearing on March 10.

To make matters worse, the BATF has a long and proud tradition of shooting first and asking questions later. It was still licking the wounds inflicted by the TV show 60 Minutes the month before. Like a bloodied and enraged bear, the BATF was in search of something to shred with its claws. The surrender of a wacky cult leader and his followers would be the media event to take everybody’s minds off all that loose talk about incompetence and corruption in the BATF. David Koresh was elected scapegoat.

Sex, Drugs, & Rock’n'Roll

The fabled “powers that be” were mightily pissed off by Koresh, representing as he did the entire unholy trinity of the Sixties. Drugs: A story about a suspected methamphetamine lab was released, but not because there was any truth in it. Problem was, the National Guard wouldn’t put their helicopters in the air unless dope was involved. So the G-men said what they needed to say.

Rock’n'roll, the Davidians were definitely guilty. Like many other charismatic figures in the news, Koresh was a musician. He is said to have owned 30 guitars, many of them custom-painted by an airbrush artist who was a member of the group. One featured a portrait of Koresh on a cross with a half-naked woman at his feet. He gave out t-shirts that said, “David Koresh – God Rocks.”

Occupationally, the Mt. Carmel community was musician-heavy, with all the equipment set up in the main parlor. The jazz-rock fusion group Messiah played occasional gigs at Cue Sticks, a club in Waco. There the band had the opportunity not only to perform but to invite people home for Bible study.

“He couldn’t be a rock star,” the local music store owner said of David Koresh, “so he decided to be Jesus.”

The Men Don’t Know, but the Little Girls Understand

And now we approach the heart of the matter: sex. Most men would love to be able to get away with what Koresh achieved effortlessly: to have simultaneous affairs with several women who know about each other and put up with it. But a person just can’t keep a harem in the U.S. of A., not even when (as the evidence suggests of Koresh) all his relations with women are consensual. One theory insists that he was a coercer, and that would be bad enough. But even worse – what if he was actually a seducer? If all those women volunteered, if every female on the premises yearned to slide between the sheets with him – the public cringes at the thought.

Koresh was, let’s face it, an attractive fellow. How many federal agents have spent years anticipating their chance to nail a guy like that? A guy to stand in for the bastard back in Junior High who scored with all the chicks, who stole their first girlfriend. Koresh was indeed the sacrificial lamb: sacrificed to the long-smoldering resentments of unpopular adolescents, victim of their atavistic, primal hatred for the alpha male.

David Died for Somebody’s Sins, but Not Mine

The embarrassing 60 Minutes expose’ had revealed the unacceptable behavior of male federal agents to their female colleagues. To divert attention from its own culture of sexual abusiveness, the bureau arranged to turn the spotlight on the much more colorful story of a backwoods preacher who was getting a lot of nookie.

The government has tried to sell the idea that some kind of hostage situation existed, justifying the massive attack. How so? The adults present at Mt. Carmel were there willingly. People came from other states and even other countries to join the community – how could they be termed hostages? And the children were no more hostages than the children of Catholics or Presbyterians. In this country religious adults control hundreds of thousands of children, most of whom manage to grow up and go their own ways. If those Mt. Carmel kids had been polled, I bet they would have said that religious instruction, even on a daily basis, beats being roasted.

Desperado, You Better Come to Your Senses

Federal spokesmen have tried to excuse the original raid by claiming that Koresh was holed up like a rat, hadn’t shown his face in weeks, so needed to be cornered and captured on his home ground. “Wrong,” say the inhabitants of Waco. Koresh was away from the ranch frequently. He could have been apprehended while out jogging. In town he could have been picked up at a gun show or the auto parts store. He stopped in at Lone Star Music once or twice a week. Even if there were justifiable reasons to arrest Koresh, everybody except the government agrees that he could have been collared any day of the week with no muss, no fuss. And no publicity for the BATF.

Once the siege started, it was so easy for the government and media to whip up public hysteria about a supposed gargantuan weapons stash. But one expert has pointed out that no matter how much noise we’ve heard about those heavily armed lunatic Davidians, the numbers say their arsenal averaged out at two guns per person. In the great state of Texas as a whole, the average is four guns per person.

Like a Burning Ring of Fire

It’s amazing how apologists will deny that the tear gas could have contributed to the conflagration. The same thing happened in the notorious attack on the MOVE community in Philadelphia several years back: law enforcement had no idea that tear gas was flammable, and were shocked when a whole block of homes went up in smoke.

When the Davidians’ flag disintegrated and fell to the ground, the BATF hoisted its own banner. Clearly they were declaring a military victory. The government’s forces also showed their true colors as deadly clowns. During the siege, federal law-enforcement agents on the outside pulled down their pants and mooned the trapped Davidians.

They Didn’t Shoot the Sheriff, but They Might as Well Have

Jack Harwell, Sheriff of McLennan County, characterized the Mt. Carmel residents as “basically good people” who had settled in his county way back in 1935. The Sheriff went on record describing Koresh as a man who had willingly complied with the requests of law enforcement personnel on several previous occasions, and who had never been convicted of any type of crime. On one occasion, when the legality of a modified weapon was questioned by a neighbor, Koresh had even brought it in to the Sheriff’s office for an opinion.

Once the BATF, FBI, etc. moved in, Sheriff Harwell was ignored. Rather than utilize his experience and expertise in dealing with the Davidians, the invaders shoved him aside. During the final apocalyptic attack on the ranch, with Koresh on the line wanting to negotiate, the sheriff’s office couldn’t even get a federal agent on the phone.

The Annual Government Employees Picnic with Texas-Style Barbecue

However the children were treated (and the likelihood of ever knowing the truth grows fainter with each passing year), child welfare is definitely not under the jurisdiction of the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms, nor of the FBI. No matter what real or imaginary peril the minors of Mt. Carmel might have faced previously, the actions of these two federal agencies put them at infinitely greater risk and of course ultimately killed many of them.

Critics try to justify the raid and firestorm on the grounds that the Davidians were cult members, victims of brainwashing. Since when is wrong-headedness a capital offense? Did they deserve to be transformed into crispy critters because they were zealots? As we know, America was started by religious nuts (with guns.) None of the founders intended for any branch of government to be in charge of protecting people from false messiahs. The notion that the government has a duty to kill the followers of a false messiah, or even the false messiah himself, is the flimsiest defense heard since Nuremberg.

Basically, the inhabitants of Mt. Carmel were eliminated like cockroaches for belonging to a minority religion. They practiced a non-mainstream version of Christianity, therefore they were deluded fools who needed killing. Does this mean it’s okay to exterminate anyone who is deluded? For instance, is it all right to exterminate men who believe that drinking beer adds to their sex appeal? Is it okay to exterminate people who suffer from the delusion that the government is capable of solving problems? How about people who believe that one brand of laundry detergent is superior to another?

Yes: what the government was supposed to do was to walk away. Better yet, to never have been there in the first place. In the whole heinous, shameful mess, the biggest atrocity was that those people were not simply left the hell alone.

Note: For activist Mike McNulty, the event we call Waco set off alarm bells because, as a member of a minority faith, he was sensitized by the knowledge of a government massacre of Mormons in the past. Who knows what will happen when the seeds ripen that were sown by the Mt. Carmel massacre?

Mike McNulty
“I had been involved in the Church of Jesus Christ of the Latter Day Saints for a number of years and become familiar with the history of an incident that occurred in October of 1837. A group of Mormons had been entrapped by a group of state militiamen from Missouri, where the governor had issued an extermination order. Any Mormons found within the boundaries of the state of Missouri after such and such a date were to be killed on sight. (That order, interestingly enough, wasn’t repealed until 1978.)
“This group of people, forty or fifty of them, were rounded up by men on horseback and herded into a grist mill and the doors were closed. The men dismounted and put their muskets to the chinks in the logs of the grist mill and fired until everyone inside was wounded or dead. That was called the Haun’s Mill Massacre. That kind of conflict between government and religion has always been an interesting point of history for me. When I saw the Branch Davidians’ church being burned to the ground on April 19, it struck a resonant chord.”

Also see “Day 51 Revisited” at Earthblog.net

Flagrant Insanity

Jeremy’s Prophecy, a novel

What happens: This young dude in a mental institution issues oracular pronouncements. His friends are so impressed, they put up a website to spread the word. Okay, my first gripe is: I, too, have known crazy friends who said things. Things that actually were profound. Things that still resonate with significance, years later and in the cold light of day. Whereas Jeremy flunks the essential test of the holy madman: his sayings are without meaning or value.

(Incidentally, I think the author of this book takes payola for product endorsements. “Twenty one-inch Sony Trinitron television.” “Mitsubishi twenty-one inch color monitor.” It reminds me of a certain low-rent genre of adventure books where the weapons are described in lascivious and painstaking detail – stroke books for ordnance freaks and gadget geeks.)

Let’s be politically correct: let’s stipulate that clinical depression, bipolar disorder, and other such maladies are serious. Scrambled thinking and diseased emotion are found in every sort of family. The tragedy and pain are real.

Still, I think this book, like many others of its kind, glorifies emotional illness and perpetuates the myth that mental instability is the necessary condition of genius. (I wanted to say the sine qua non, but luckily just ran across a “how to write” article where it says not to show off.)

Victimhood has been fashionable for so long now. If your life doesn’t have any problems recognizable from the outside – amputation, paraplegia, or the death of your entire family in a flaming plane crash – you can still cultivate depression and get victim points for that. A harsh judgment, yes. But I, having been there and done that, am permitted to say it. If someone wallows in depression and regards it as some kind of sacred martyrdom, I get to call them on it, just like a drug counselor who’s an ex-junkie gets to confront a client about whatever number the client is trying to run on himself and the world.

I know about this particular adolescent and post-adolescent quirk because I did it, and so did a lot of my contemporaries. Of course now I’m getting a taste of how the adults in my environment felt, when I was in my 20s and moping around in a self-dramatizing funk. One of the psychologists I was referred to asked if I ate enough green vegetables. I went ballistic on him – “My freakin life is in the freakin toilet, and you’re talking about freakin VEGETABLES?” (He was right, of course.) On the other hand, I admit there’s such a thing as depression where even excellent nutrition can’t put a dent in it. And one of ugly things about depression is how it feeds on itself, because the worse shape you’re in, the harder it is to believe that any kind of relief is even possible. And you don’t care. And you don’t care that you don’t care.

Jeremy’sProphecy.com was a loaner so it isn’t in front of me any more. There may not be any blatant ageism in it, but somehow I came away with the impression that there is. Besides, I feel like saying this anyway. Ageism is as stupid as racism. One of the slogans of the 60s, “Don’t trust anyone over 30″, was a vile thing to say. Most old fogies still feel like they’re in their mid-twenties and experience at least a nanosecond of surprise every time they encounter a mirror. It’ll happen to you, too, if you’re a youngish person now. And kids, listen up: if the old fogies in your life don’t do wild stuff, maybe there’s a reason. Maybe because once was enough. Or fifty times was enough. Am I supposed to maintain an earlier level of sexual experimentation just so a 20-year-old will think I’m cool? But see, here’s the catch. The 20-year-old still won’t think I’m cool. Disgusting, more likely. That’s the fate of us old fogies. If we’re not getting laid, the kids think we’re prudes. If we are getting laid, the kids think we’re ridiculous.

Kids, when the old fogies look at you with that knowing, secret smile, don’t take it personally. It’s only because you remind them of what an ass they were at your age. That’s just about what the whole Wisdom of Age thing boils down to, as you’ll see when you get there – the realization of what an ass you used to be.

Kids get to have it both ways. They tell you how much it sucks being young. And then they tell you how out-of-it you are, for not being young, and for being glad about it. I always get a little perverse-humor charge out of Will Crist’s lyric: – “I’ll help you remember your youth.” Honey, thanks anyway, but I already remember it too well. It pretty much sucked.

Back to Jeremy’sProphecy.com. The narrator rags on his friend, who is willing to work on the weekend. Like it’s sacrosanct. He’s a hip young Gen-Y person, or Gen-Z, or whichever gen we’re up to now. (What happens next? Do we go back to the beginning of the alphabet and start over? Is Gen-A born yet?) And he subscribes to a code stricter than that of the Old Testament God, who after all only declared one day per week to be workless.

The narrator’s underlying assumption is: there’s something wrong with a person who will work on a weekend. I want to shake this kid and say, “You know what? It gets even weirder. Some people like to work for two weeks and then go sailing or skiing for two weeks – and they’re damn lucky to have that opportunity, even if it does mean working on a weekend. Some people like to work weekends or nights so they don’t have to drive in rush-hour traffic. Some people would rather work on a weekend than scrounge money from their relatives. Artists work any time they damn well feel like it. Who are you to come on all judgmental to your friend because he works on a Saturday?”

Another thing that sets my teeth on edge – again, because I was equally guilty of it at one time- is self-imposed ennui. This word seems a perfect fit even if it is foreign, because it conveys a certain kind of sophisticated, decadent boredom which is 25% pose, 25% laziness, and 50% willful ignorance.

Jeremy’s friends go out for a bite. The narrator intones, “We chose Denny’s because we always chose Denny’s.” There it is – the empty life of people who want to keep doing the same old thing, yet have it come out different. (Which is almost as stupid as doing the same old thing and expecting it to come out the same. Like when somebody moves your cheese.)

This attitude is widespread. In an article from an entertainment magazine, we’ve got film director Terry Zwigoff talking about how the radio plays the Backstreet Boys or ‘N Sync and your food choices are between a Big Mac or a Whopper. He says, “There’s not much choice any more. This country is just culturally bankrupt.”

Terry, I don’t want you to take this the wrong way, but you’re full of it. For starters, and you might want to take notes: Nobody has to listen to any radio station – ever. There are all kinds of personal music delivery systems. Anybody can listen to Chopin or Edith Piaf or John Cage or Aimee Mann, ad just about infinitum, any time of the day or night. You can listen to Chilean pipes or Romanian gypsy violin or Australian aboriginal didgeridoo or Gregorian chants. The music of all previous ages and every county on earth is available. If it’s mental stimulation you seek, there are a billion and some web pages out there, and they’re not all Pamela Anderson’s torso or even Jeremy’sProphecy.com. Next time you get hungry, forget about Big Macs, Whoppers, and even Denny’s. Stop in at the food co-op and pick up some grilled tofu.

RELATED: Last Days, the Kurt Cobain suicide fictionalization

October 2001: Halloween

This year’s hot Halloween costume is simple and economical: turban, baggy pants, vest, and beard (untrimmed only, please). To complete the ensemble just carry, dangling from a strip of rag, a bloody severed human hand.

I can hear the cries of “Bad taste!” But isn’t that the object, to dress up as the most frightening thing? About the scariest thing going right now is the Taliban.

The word from Hollywood is, in order to protect people’s sensitivities, most disaster movies in various stages of production are being rethought if not actually dropped. I wouldn’t mind if certain Halloween costumes went the same route. Americans go to the party store or K-mart and plunk down good money for masks that feature ripped arteries, dangling eyeballs, seared and rotting flesh.

The number of genuine mutilated bodies in the world ought to satisfy anyone’s taste for gore. There’s no need to create artificial grievous wounds. I don’t equate Halloween with Satanism or any nonsense like that, and I wouldn’t try to legislate against it. I’d simply prefer it if people stopped thinking of mangled remains as something fun to dress up in.

Zombie by darkpatator Creative Commons License

Cannibal Corpse by eggybird Creative Commons License

The Freakin’ Sad Pity of It All

So in this writers’ newsletter there was a request for help.

“I Can’t Think of Any Article Ideas!
I am so new at freelance writing I haven’t even attempted to send any articles to any of the magazines yet. I try to think of topics they would be interested in, but my brains just go dead. I am at a stalemate. I am not an expert in too many fields to know what magazines to address. And there is the problem of editing. I do not want to send in an article with grammar errors, and it cost me money to have someone edit. Do you have any advice on this.”

Well, yeah…here’s my advice. “Forget it. Stop kidding yourself. If you can’t think of any article ideas, you’re not a writer. A real writer has more ideas than there will ever be time to utilize.” I’m ready to take off on a monster rant, covering such topics as self-delusion, chutzpah, etc.

The kindest thing I can say is, this letter must have been written by someone who got hold of one of those books with titles like 433 Jobs You Can Do From Home. Bright idea #201: “Be a freelance writer!” Like there aren’t already thousands of people who have tried for years to do that very thing, and who still need to hang onto their day jobs.

To garner more ammunition for my snit, I read the letter again. “….and it cost me money to have someone edit.” That’s too perfect. Maybe the letter is a put-on, somebody’s little attempt at satire. I want to believe it’s a joke. Nobody could be that dumb.

On the third reading, something tugs at my awareness. The style is familiar. The letter could have been written by Trina, a young woman I love, who is coming down off a long series of disastrous choices, and currently has a toddler to take care of all by herself. I can visualize her writing it. I can just see Trina paging through 433 Jobs You Can Do From Home and connecting with the concept of being a free-lance writer, making a living for herself and her boy, writing articles while he takes his afternoon nap.

The naive hopefulness of it breaks my heart. This is the same gullible kid who once phoned me all excited, thinking she had won a sweepstakes. (Do they still exist? I used to get dozens of them in the mail. “You may have already won…” There hasn’t been a sweepstakes in my mailbox for a couple of years now. Repressive legislation? Or have all the con artists simply taken their business online?)

Anyway, a feeling that resembles shame is starting to come over me. I’m such an intellectual snob, to look down on the pathetic efforts of this loser and to have the condescending, patronizing nerve to feel sorry for her. Meanwhile, it would behoove me to remember that somewhere out there, somebody else is shaking their head over my pathetic efforts. So who am I to sneer at this clueless questioner? No free-lance writer, that’s for sure, not if you define it by making a living. Maybe it’s just me who needs an attitude adjustment.

But I wish it didn’t have to be this way. I don’t necessarily enjoy being the cynical witch who says, “The only e-books that sell are the ones about how to write e-books that sell. It’s a self-perpetuating hoax, a pyramid scheme of the mind.” I wish there weren’t thousands of them out there, the functionally illiterate, hopelessly disorganized, and terminally boring, who think they can carve out careers as writers.

There ought to be a socko concluding paragraph right about here, but I am at a stalemate. My brains just went dead.

A Great Mystery: the Tattoo

In the category of human behavior, there are quite a few things where I’m like, “Why on earth would they do that?” Sometimes it’s only a passing thought. Other times, the sense of wonder lingers.

Here’s an example of the kind of question that settles in for a long stay: Why does anyone get a tattoo? Not that I think being tattooed is evil or should be illegal. Simply, it’s not my cup of tea, and I guess I just don’t understand why it’s anybody’s.

The origin of the tattoo’s bad reputation is its historical function of labeling felons, slaves, concentration camp inmates, and other subjugated people. Like head-shaving, branding, and mutilation, the tattoo was a mark of guilt or shame imposed on people to advertise their status as criminals and outcasts. The concept of paying one’s debt to society and starting over with a clean slate is a recent one. In the old days, an offender was meant to be punished forever by society in general. A tattoo defined its wearer as someone under the control of authority, as a less-than-person, vulnerable to abuse by upstanding right-side-of-the-law citizens, who would not be penalized for violating the non-existent rights of a marked individual. It was like wearing a sign that said “victimize me.”

When the tattooing of convicts fell out of fashion in penology circles, the bikers, mafiosi, aryans, and other underworld characters took over the practice and began to voluntarily tattoo themselves and each other. Penitentiaries are showcases of skin art drawn with homebrew ink from ball point pens and other sources adorning the bodies of society’s designated dregs. In some ethnic criminal milieus, the style is to have teardrops applied to the face, one for each year of time served.

In former eras, the power of avenging Authority forced tattoos onto the skins of prisoners. Nowadays, convicts obligingly do it themselves.

There’s a real dark side to the tattoo culture. Plenty of sleaze merchants will sell you stuff like a 100-minute videotape made at Manhattan’s Hellfire Club, featuring extensively tattooed people. For another $49.95, you also get Erotic Tattooing & Body Piercing II, an adults-only opus that is touted as Even Hotter Than Part I!

The tattoo scene also harbors a whole lot of bad attitude. One shop’s ad reads, “If you ain’t tattooed you ain’t shit.” It’s a linguistic oddity – logically, the equivalent of saying, “If you are tattooed, you are shit.” The copy writer didn’t think it through all the way. Anyhow, grammatical nit-picking aside, we all know “you ain’t shit” is a colloquialism that means “you’re even less than shit, you’re nothing.” I get the message.

So let’s look beyond the words and consider the in-your-face hostility. For what? I don’t try to close down their shop or prevent their customers from going in. People who want to be tattooed can do so with no interference from me. But they want to dismiss my very claim to humanity, because I won’t pay them to poke dye into my skin.

In Africa’s past, tattooing served a useful purpose. There was a practical reason to decorate a child’s face with distinctive markings. It was like a bar code that only the parents could read. If a child were stolen by a rival tribe, s/he might not be seen again for years. An individualized tattoo guaranteed that no matter how long before the retaliatory raid in which they could recapture their children, the parents would be able to recognize them.

Americans have long been fascinated with tattoos. One of speculative fiction’s all-time classics is Ray Bradbury’s The Illustrated Man. In this collection, each story is based on one of the scenes on the man’s fully tattooed body, which come to life like miniature TV shows.

Corporeal art of all kinds enjoyed a renaissance in the 1960s, when faces were adorned with rainbows and unicorns by artists at Be-ins, and body painting kits made great wedding gifts. The longhaired barefoot young woman wearing a gauzy dress and ankle bracelets, with a single rosebud tattooed on her shoulder blade, was a common sight.

In the 80s, a convention of the Tattoo and Body Art Society of New York drew over one hundred enthusiasts. Tattoos became quite chic. The Professional Tattoo Artists Guild grew and the Tattoo Art Museum was established. Even conventional people saw the advantages of the tattoo as facial cosmetic, in the form of “smudge-free” permanent eyeliner, eyebrow delineation, and lip outlining. In upscale LA boutiques, Betsey Johnson sold body suits, dresses and jackets covered with the designs of tattoo artist Mark Mahoney.

If I were fatally allergic to a pharmaceutical, I might consider having that information permanently affixed to my body, in the unlikely event of being brought to the ER naked and unconscious. Or a tattoo could take the form of a living will: “No heroic measures, do not resuscitate.” If you sell or donate your carcase for research, you may have a tattoo on your foot to notify medical personnel of the fact, after your death. If you’re an organ donor, they’re going to want to know before you die.

Some people just plain think tattoos are fun. Why not have a hula dancer engraved on your bicep, and flex to make her sway? As poet William Plomer put it, “And the muscle playing / under the skin / makes the rose writhe / and the skull grin.”

What started me thinking about all this, recently, was a teen who said she wanted to get a tattoo but her father was reluctant to greenlight the project. Why did she want to do this? The circumstances didn’t seem exactly right for asking her. So I asked myself. In the ensuing days I consulted my inner adolescent, who is never very far from the surface and always ready with an opinion.

“Because I can. In other words, just to prove a point, namely that it’s my body.” Do we own our bodies? Incontestably yes. At what age? Here the waters become murky. How old should a person be before society grants autonomy? (For now, let’s not even get into the really complicated questions, like whether society should be the grantor of autonomy.) The age of reason and age of consent vary considerably, depending on where you are and what you want to do – see a movie, gamble, drink, drive, smoke, screw.

At what age should a person be legally allowed to decorate herself with body art? I don’t know. For a parent, the problem is whether to outright forbid; actively discourage; or say, “Do what you need to do.”

In Wally Lamb’s novel I Know This Much is True, a man motivated by religious conviction chops his own hand off. His brother upholds the decision and tells the medics not to retrieve the hand for surgical reattachment.

It’s difficult to stand by and let someone you love do an incomprehensible thing. It’s hard to respect that person’s right to do what s/he needs to do.

Recently a man in (why am I not surprised?) California paid a former doctor to cut his leg off. It’s a rare variety of sexual weirdness, apotemnophilia. The ex-doctor was arrested. And rightly so, many people say. But others say a private contract for the performance of a service is only the business of the concerned parties, and the government shouldn’t even be involved.

The legal validity of self-ownership is not the real issue anyhow. More significant is the perceived need to prove it. When a person is sure of something, they don’t need to prove it. Anything about you that is worthy of proof, life will shower you with plenty of chances to prove. There is no need to seek or create opportunities to demonstrate that you can take the pain.

Besides, proving something to anyone else is a fool’s game. The only person worth proving anything to is yourself. Especially in the case of parents. As long as you’re reacting to your parents, you’re not free. To do something only because your parents want you to is not grown up. To do something only because your parent’s don’t want you to isn’t grown up either. Grown up is when you stop reacting to your parents one way or another.

“To be different.” Forget it. In this time and place, it’s way too late to count on the uniqueness factor of body art.

“To express my personality.”This can backfire, can be misread, and say something about you that you didn’t intend. Whatever it is you think a tattoo says about you is open to different interpretations. In his autobiography, the Dutch “action painter” Jan Cremer talks about the blue star on his left arm. “I can make it come alive,” he says. “Whenever I wind up in jail and everything is taken away from me…I always fall back on my little blue star, gazing at it for hours on end.” Okay, whatever. If it works for him, fine. But it’s damn pathetic when the only solace a person in an extreme situation can turn to is his imaginary friend, the tattoo. What this says to me about Jan Cremer’s personality is probably not what he anticipated.

“To be interesting.” Anyone who’s ever been in parochial school or the army knows that interestingness is there (or not) no matter what kind of dull uniform covers the body. A person with true charisma doesn’t have to do or say anything except walk into the room. A compelling presence is something that radiates from the interior. No amount of disguise can hide it if it’s there, and no amount of decoration can take its place if it isn’t.

Maybe it would be interesting to have a tattoo in a hidden place, a secret for a lover to discover. The trouble is, the surprise factor only works once. After the first time, and no matter how strategically located, the butterfly or even the dagger-pierced flaming heart is old news.

In time, the tattoo may turn out to be interesting in a way you didn’t bargain for. A decoration that enhances a healthy young physique will be unattractive, even hideous, later on. Faded, sickly colors on a body distorted by seventy years of life – forget it.

In the Netherlands, at the height of that country’s artistic glory, painters could be fined for not using high-quality canvas which would remain intact for posterity’s sake. But tattoo artists deliberately choose to practice their uniquely perishable art form on surfaces that will deteriorate and ultimately vanish. There are some great artists working in the body art medium, and I have to admire them for not being discouraged in the face of the inevitable extinction of their art. It must be frustrating to know none of your work will survive for even a hundred years.

There are many ways in which the permanence of dyed skin can become a liability. For instance, if you ever get into the serious crime business, or become involved with a political movement the government decides to persecute, an identifying mark could cost your freedom or your life.

The embarrassing tattoo with an old girlfriend’s or boyfriend’s name is a cliche’ of comedy. Suzanne, one of the legendary women of the Sixties (Leonard Cohen wrote a song about her) had the name CARL tattooed just above her public hair. Once Carl was out of the picture, she had it changed to CARE, but not everyone is lucky enough to have an ex-lover with such a conveniently mutable name.

“To get off on it.” An extensively tattooed friend tells me she is hooked on the endorphins produced by the pain of the needle. Hey – whatever floats your boat, okay? But surely there are less expensive and less permanent ways to procure the pain experience.

“Because guys get off on it.” If tattoos are sexy, it must be in an unhealthy, unnatural way, because the concept violates Darwinian logic. Here’s why. According to evolutionary theory, the mandate to self-replicate, to have offspring and pass along one’s genes, is the strongest drive in any animal. By this reasoning, what’s innately sexy are traits favorable to reproduction. We are told, for instance, that a female bird is attracted by a male bird’s glossy plumage because it proves the absence of parasites. She doesn’t reason this out, of course, but on some level the ability to recognize a healthy partner is hardwired.

By this same theory, a human male supposedly is attracted to big tits and rounded hips because, on an instinctive level, he translates these as signifiers of capable and abundant motherhood. Even though it’s not true. But let’s go with this theory, just for the mental exercise. Suppose we accept the idea that sexiness, in the most primitive part of the brain, translates to “biologically superb specimen with genes that will benefit my offspring.”

What natural phenomena does a tattoo most resemble? A bruise or scar. A patch of discolored skin, evidence of disease or a healing wound. These are bad genetic bets and must be off-putting to the subconscious. If a man is aroused by a tattoo, his atavistic brain is probably not thinking, “Here’s an appropriate mate to bear my offspring.” It’s probably thinking, “Here’s a female who lets men beat her.” When a woman sees a tattooed man, that primitive brain probably thinks, “Here’s a male so clumsy and inept he can’t stay out of the way of things that injure and scar his body.” Does this sound like the perfect father for one’s children? No, in terms of survival of the fittest, it simply doesn’t make sense. Arousal at the sight of a mark on the skin must be a learned response and not an intrinsic one.

Empirical evidence confirms this. If men were innately turned on by multicolored skin designs, they would love stretch marks. Trust me on this – they don’t. If women were innately aroused by multicolored skin designs, they’d be wild for rosacea and port wine birthmarks, which isn’t generally the case

I’m afraid I have to stick with the conclusion that being aroused by a tattoo is not at all natural, but is a learned and highly specialized response. And that in itself is no argument in its favor. In the old days, Chinese men became conditioned to arousal by women’s stinky rotting bound feet.

“To show commitment.” I know a man who has an astonishing full color portrait of his wife’s face, lifelike and nearly lifesize, over his pectoral. This is true devotion and a very strong indicator of monogamous intent. But what if something bad happens anyway, like if she dies? Imagine being his second wife, having that face stare at you every time he takes off his shirt.

The renowned Skibo has said that a tattoo is a sign of commitment. But lovers find new partners; men marked with the labels of biker gangs and hate groups find Christ; people find a number of reasons to regret their tattoos, and then they pay big bucks to laser jockeys to get rid of the things.

If I were putting together an investment portfolio I’d buy stock in dermatology clinics (and hearing aid manufacturers) and cash in on the folly of youth when the chickens of excess come home to roost.

Anyway, most tattoos don’t include either names or organizational affiliations. They are just pictures. Having them applied may be a sign of commitment, but to what? To having an ineradicable mark on one’s body. Big whoop.

Getting back to the muse who inspired all this: for a young woman, there’s really only one important consideration: the worst case scenario. Further on down the line, what if you meet the Great Love of Your Life and it turns out he absolutely cannot bear tattoos? He totally refuses to consider a long-term or even a short-term relationship with you because of this aversion.

My easily accessible inner teenager on 24-hour call has an answer for that, too. “I could never fall in love with anyone so superficial/judgmental/obtuse.”

Well, maybe. It’s easy enough to say, until it actually happens, a stand that is easy to take but difficult to maintain. Because, when it comes to love, never say never. If you fall head over heels for a guy who totally refuses to consider a tattooed woman as an appropriate mate, that’s gonna be real painful. It’s bad enough when a man rejects you for a reason you can’t do anything about – your advanced age, your child from a previous marriage – but to be rejected for some thing you could have prevented is miserable.

RL tattoo by Klipang Torok Creative Commons License